As I build my practice, I have been thinking about how hard it is on the other side of the relationship when actively choosing a therapist. Having also been in that role before, I realize that it is not always easier for me as a therapist, to find the right fit. But I have spent time thinking on this topic, and can offer some ideas that I hope are helpful:
No therapist is perfect.
So far, all therapists are human and suffer with the same flaws as anyone else. With training and practice and some natural disposition, we become adept at listening and partnering with our clients. We want to invest time in making life feel easier, or better, or doable. This interest and dedication are what makes us healers, and guides. We don’t offer magical solutions, but we have special qualities and perspectives that can be an asset to your healing.
The “right” therapist can change over time.
It is okay to find a therapist with whom you connect with now, for this one challenge, or in this period of your life. Maybe you want to work with a therapist with specific identity markers, or who practices certain therapy modalities. It’s also fine to work with one who just makes you feel safe, or even happy! There really is not one therapist for each person. The best way to find out if a therapist might work for you, is to take the first step and set up an intro call. Trust your instincts and take a chance.
Photo credit: Elizabeth Candela
Therapy will not “fix” you.
Therapy is self-care work. We choose to invest in ourselves every day to some extent. Brushing your teeth, going to the gym, just getting out of bed is self-care. The therapy part of making yourself, your life, your experience better is a formal meeting with a professional who has the insight, training, and desire to help you on your path. The work is still yours to do, but it’s much easier with a guide. I think of therapy as asking someone to get a book off a high shelf, and they offer you a ladder – you would like to be able to get that book yourself, but someone else is better suited to lead the way as you practice how to get there on your own.
Therapy is a process.
People say ally is a verb rather than a noun, and I feel that way about therapy. Therapy isn’t fast, or easy, or a straight line. But it can be rewarding, even life changing. Therapy is a process, and like any good relationship, you must choose to engage with it regularly to make it work. The timeline is different for everyone but believing that something good will come from each meeting is one way that the most reluctant client could approach therapy and make it work. Give yourself a break! You are doing a great job by just showing up. It will get better if you stay with the process.
A therapist needs to get to know you.
Sometimes there is an impatience to “get this over with” or speed up the process when starting with a new therapist. One wishes that they didn’t have to rehash their life story to get the help that they need. But each therapist can only work with the information you provide. Some of it will be in the form of communicated conscious thoughts and feelings. Other information is gleaned from body language, tone of voice, or observing patterns in your behavior. The goal of Psychodynamic therapy, or what is thought of as classic talk therapy, is to uncover and address the deeply held beliefs at the core of psychological distress. Often, they are buried in the unconscious and take longest to be revealed and dealt with. Be patient, trust the process and trust your instincts. The more you can share, the more open you are to the process working, the more efficient the process will be.
This is your journey.
Therapy is an investment in yourself. When you are ready, you will do the work. I tell my clients to try not to judge themselves for going at the pace needed. You can only make decisions with the information that you have right now.
Photo Credit: Elizabeth Candela
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I hope this is helpful to you. Maybe I answered some of your questions or just shared something you couldn’t put into words. Either way, I hope that something I shared resonates and helps you approach therapy with less trepidation.
When you are ready, please reach out to schedule a free consultation with me.
Let’s explore how to create the life that you want.