How to Make Lasting, Sustainable Change in the New Year

Written By: Adam Wilson

 

New Year’s Resolutions and Why They Typically Don’t Work

 

For many people, the new year symbolizes an opportunity for change and renewal. The days begin to grow longer and brighter, and across the country, thousands of people feel motivated, or pressured, to make a New Year’s resolution. 

Maybe you want to go to the gym or start a new diet – either to build muscle or lose weight. Or you want to reduce your stress levels or cut down on procrastination at work. Perhaps you want to spend more time with your loved ones or try setting healthy boundaries. 

Regardless of the desired change – be it physical, emotional, or social – the new year presents a symbolic opportunity to start again as a happier and healthier person and entices us to make lofty goals.

However, as we all know, making sustainable, lasting change to our lives and behaviors is hard. As multiple studies have shown, most New Year’s resolutions are abandoned within the first few weeks or months. 

Just as we are encouraged and pressured to radically transform ourselves in January, and by February, we are bombarded with stories of empty gyms and dusty workout gear.  And as our lofty goals come crashing down, people who feel they failed to keep their resolutions may grapple with feelings of guilt, stigma, or shame.

Fortunately, there is a better way! 

In setting resolutions for the new year, people tend to fall into two major pitfalls: 

First, resolution makers frequently operate from a mindset of how they think they should change rather than how they want to change. Rather than attempting to motivate themselves through guilt or obligation to do what they should, people have a much better chance of enacting change by drawing on their own intrinsic wants and desires. 

Second, resolution makers often consider their goals in black-and-white terms: either complete transformation or abject failure. Moving away from this type of binary thinking and focusing instead on steady, gradual change greatly increases a person’s chances of success.

Moving from Should to Want

 

 

In setting goals for change, many people focus on what they think they should do rather than on what they want to do. 

Unfortunately, our sense of what we should do is frequently constructed from external sources – whether that be social media, television, or familial expectation. And while we might be able to force ourselves to conform to these external expectations for a few weeks, it is difficult to sustain motivation for change without drawing on our intrinsic wants and desires.

Here, it can be helpful to spend some time reflecting and digging into our motivations for change. 

Take, for example, a New Year’s resolution to go to the gym and build muscle. Ask yourself, why are you choosing this goal? What is motivating you? Are you seeking to improve your health and wellness? Are you attempting to gain your father’s approval by developing a more masculine appearance? Are you worried that your partner might not find you as sexually attractive as the Instagays from his social media feeds? All of the above? 

At first glance, you might find yourself looking at a confusing mix of motivations. However, by separating these desires and focusing on your own intrinsic wants, you can greatly improve your chances of making and sustaining change.

Setting Yourself Up for Success with Gradual, Obtainable Goals

 

 

As traditionally framed, New Year’s resolutions are either “kept” or “broken,” which sets up a binary vision of success. Either you radically and perfectly transform your life on January 1st, or you feel you have failed to achieve your goals. 

Unfortunately, this type of perfectionism is challenging to achieve, and under this mindset, even minor slip-ups or mistakes can make us feel like failures and want to give up entirely.

Creating lasting change requires a kinder, more gradual approach. 

Instead of a single, absolute goal, you will have much greater success by breaking it down into small, actionable steps. 

Here, you want to find the smallest possible first step toward your goal and set a reasonable deadline to accomplish this task.

If your first step seems trivial or too easy – fantastic! Complete that step, then set the next one to be incrementally more challenging. 

By continuing to set small, obtainable goals – and meeting them – you can build an intrinsic expectation that you can achieve your goals and will continue to do so.

Rather than grappling with the fear of failing to maintain a resolution, this process allows you to track your progress and build a growing sense of accomplishment – a much stronger foundation for sustaining change!

Therapists Are a Resource to Help You Reach Your Goals

Even after reading this article, you may still have some fears, anxieties, or questions about the possibility of making sustainable change in your life. That is normal and highly understandable. 

Change, by its nature, is uncomfortable. 

Fortunately, you do not have to go through this process alone. Finding a good therapist you trust can work wonders in supporting you, and those trained in evidence-based (such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and relational approaches can be particularly well-suited to helping you make gradual, sustainable change in your life.

I am happy to work with clients to achieve their goals – both at New Year’s and throughout the year! 

If you are feeling motivated to make a change in your life, please reach out to me about a free consultation. From there, we can work collaboratively to set you on the path to transformation.